The Bat-Computer

No Sandy, I don't.

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:15:55 GMT

But its not my fault.

Worst trick my mind ever played

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 18:07:20 GMT

I remember, clearly, walking out of my bedroom this morning, walking past my mom's desk I saw a bag of bud, I picked it up, and put it where it belongs, the stash spot.
But, that never happened. I sat here waiting for some friends to stop by so we can toke, but I decided to go and pack the bowl, get it ready. The weed wasnt there. At first I was shocked, thinking maybe I put it some where else, no dice.
It was all a dream....

Quite disappointing.....

Strange Dream

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:54:21 GMT

"I was shopping at Wal-mart with some people and we came across two girls, younger then me, about 13, we were stopped by security but they let us go, later that day I find out that the girl is in a mental hospital. This all takes place in my hometown. I even at one point am in my childhood home, when my mom comes home, I run. I go to see the girl, I think her name is Sam, and the other, Michelle. Sam is the one in the hospital, while Michelle, it seems, has a crush on me, and is upset when I go to see Sam instead of her."

So, I went to this site that interprets dreams and this is what it said.

That's a long dream!

Intriguing -

Dreaming that you are shopping is a reflection of your needs and desires. Consider what you are shopping for and what needs you are try to fulfill. In particular, Dreaming that you are shopping for food and groceries indicates your hidden attempt to buy the attention of others.

Do you the people in your dreams? The most direct reason for you to see people you know in your dream is that you miss them but you may not realize that you have missed them when you were awake. It can also signify that you desire for certain qualities of those people for yourself.
Seeing people you don't know in your dream reflects hidden desire inside of you.
Seeing people from your past in your dream can be long-held fixation you have been reluctant to confront. Or, it a current issue, which you can best deal with when it is manifested as a past story. In everybody's personal history, there are similarities between the past and the present.

That girl you see in your dream is you. If you are not a girl, this may sound outrageous. But even if you are an old man, you still have certain characteristics that are playful, innocent, and childlike. All of us (especially if you are a man) are likely to have to repressed that part of us once we a no longer little girls. Your dream has brought to your attention the need to be playful and light, and even silly. If you are a man and you dreamt that you are a girl, you probably either want to be a girl or explore your feminine side.
If the girl in your dream is some one you know and paid attention to, your dreaming about her represents your concerns on whether you had made a good impression on her and what she thought of you. You feel anxious about your relationship with her.

Observing in your dream that you have a sense of security is an indication of that you may be experiencing much insecurity in your waking life. The dream is compensating for your lack of security. You need to feel well-protected, both physically and emotionally.

Dreaming of a sunny day denotes clarity and/or pleasantness. You are seeing things clearly.
Dreaming of a gloomy or cloudy day represents loss.

Dreaming that you find something denotes that you are coming into contact with some aspect of your psyche or unconscious. You are recognizing a part of yourself that was previously repressed or undeveloped. As an alternative interpretation, it represents change.
Dreaming that you find someone refers to that you are identifying new facets of a relationship. You may be taking the relationship to a new level and/or direction.

A hospital in your dream symbolizes your need for some type of major care and healing.

Seeing in your dream that evening has arrived suggests the end of a cycle, aging or death. It may also be symbolic of unrealized hopes.

Dreaming of your childhood is an indication of your wish to return to a life where you had little responsibility and worries. It also denotes innocence. As an alternative interpretation, it suggests that certain aspects of your childhood has not yet been integrated into your adult personality. Or on the other hand, some childhood anxiety has yet to be resolved in your adult life.

Being at “Home” is the ultimate security. Dreaming you are at home is an indication of your high comfort level.

Seeing your mother or a mother figure in a dream can have complex meanings, depending on the emotions it has evoked. She is an indication of either love, nurture, comfort and protection, or control, manipulation and criticism. Or often both.
Dreaming about a recurring issue between you and your mother usually fulfills your wish of getting over it. You probably have. Your dream serves as a reassurance.
The mother in your dream may also reflect certain aspects of you. It symbolizes your willingness or readiness to devote yourself, even sacrifice yourself, for a particular cause. Your mother's words in the dream are from your own intuition.
Has your mother passed away in real life? In that case, dreaming about your mother is an indication of your desire to acknowledge truth about yourself or your true feelings beyond the regular realm. Expect unexpected wisdom.

Running is a common dream theme because of a survival instinct we developed in a long ago, much more primitive time - the instinct of fleeing predators. Nowadays, we mostly only exercise this instinct in your dreams. Our body is made to run. In running, we sense strength and vitality. But again, nowadays, dreams are the only place many of us actually run and the only place to experience the mental well-being associated with running.
Running away or being chased is a different kind of dream from simply running. It is a warning about a danger that is about to catch up with you. Fear is a very intense emotion associated with this kind of dreams. You are running away from either a specific problem or the general pressure in life.
The night terror of trying to run away from danger but can't move your feet has to do with the actual paralysis took place during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) stage of the sleep.

Having a dream that you forget your name or someone else's name indicates that you be feeling overwhelmed and burdened. It may also indicate that you have forgotten your true self or your family roots.
To hear your name being called indicates that you are in touch and in tune with your spirituality. It also makes you aware of your own uniqueness and highlights your individuality.
Seeing a familiar name written in your dream denotes the way you feel about that person. Your intuition about them may turn out to be true.

Dreaming that you are crushing something suggests that you are under tremendous stress over a decision that you need to make.
Seeing in your dream that you have a crush on somebody, is a literal reflection of your attraction and fascination for that person. To see your crush in your dream symbolizes your current infatuation with him or her. If you find yourself thinking about him during the day, then it is understandable that his image will appear in your dream during the night. If your dream that your crush rejects you, is a reflection of not knowing how he or she really feels about you and whether he likes you or not.
If you dream that somebody has a crush on you, then it represent you own sense of worthiness and esteem.
Dreaming about a former crush, reflects that particular period in your life and what you were feeling. The former crush reflects a point in time when you first had the crush on that person.
Observing in your dream that your crush rejects you or stood you up symbolizes your feelings of insecurities and anxieties. The idea of not knowing how your crush feels about you is driving you nuts. Assuming that he or she will reject you before you actually know, saves your from getting hurt. You are afraid to find out how he or she feels about you.

Deep right?
I'm not sure exactly what it means, but it is certainly strange.

I wrote this for you

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:22:11 GMT

Imagine
Lonely stars sitting in their
Odd circles of
Viciousness
Examples of hatred full the air
Yearning for love, but rarely is it reached
Originality is rare, this are not
Unconditional, with so many conditions

YEah, I know I don't post enough

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 21:30:35 GMT

So yeah, I know.
I stayed home today, i wasnt feeling well, I thought my stomach would implode.
I slept until 1:30, woke up and sat around, waiting for her to wake up.
I played some Pokemon, listened to some music, then Tyler and Brett came over, they chilled for a little while before they had to go.

And, I've been thinking.
But when am I not.
I have fears, and vulnerabilities, just like everyone else. I fear being rejected, so I prevent myself from doing anything that could end in rejection. I fear failure. And so, I do not fail.
I have made mistakes, and I remember them all clearly. I will not make any of them again.
She scares me. She thinks so highly of me, I wish she didn't. What if I can't live up to her expectations. She will read this, and she will tell me not to worry, that I will, but will I?
How can any of us be so sure? Of anything?
This could all be a lie, this world, this everything. This could be the Matrix, and none of us would know it.
Or maybe we just wish it would be, so our actions won't have an effect, so we could do whatever we want, without consinquence.

1000 miles is a long way. 10 months is a long time.

Sorry

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:26:30 GMT

minds on overload, need time to clear my thoughts
I tried writing
I had something to say, a message to get across, but I couldn't do it, the words won't come trough
I hate doing this to you, but theres to many things on my mind, I need to sort them out, and school won't help, I want to use my free day, which is definitely deserved, to the fullest extent.
brains half dead, almost happy

It has nothing to do with you....

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:10:01 GMT

And so, I was thinking.
I do it often.
I'm sorry. For not trusting you, I can't, I want to, its hard. I've tried so hard, for so long, and your undoing it all. You were right, I there are things I want to say, but can't, for one reason or another. My life has always been filled with secrets, perhaps more then average. But theres certain things that are better left unsaid.
Together we'd make a great team, if I don't destroy our relationship first. I don't want to, but it will happen, in the end, I'll say something really fucked up, and it will end as quickly as it started. Its what I do.
School will stress things out, it always does. But maybe, just maybe, we both can find the strength to make it, at least until next year, I'll make it back, I promise. I have no idea how at this point, but I will. Being in jersey would help it, the airport's closer, and theres more people to drive me. The money will be hard to save, but I'll do my best. Convincing my mom will be hard,l but if push comes to shove, I'll be able to get someone to drive me behind her back, I have to go, I have to.

So.. thats it I guess, I have to choose what I'm willing to tell, but first I must find out why I won't tell them.

Taboo

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 19:13:40 GMT

I was thinking about what I said.
And yeah, it was fucked up.
But you do it, and thats fucked up, to me, and your friends, and your family.
This is our last taboo, I suppose. I made light of it, and I shouldn't have.
Its sad when you see everything self destruct and you can do nothing about it. I mean sure, theres good times, and there's bad times. But the bad times seem to stick out more. Perhaps because, as a speices, we are ment to be happy, but intelligence comes with a price.

So, simply, go to your room, everyone. Sit there, and listen, no, simply wait. The world will come to you.

I just watched Harry Potter 5, I kinda want to reread the book.

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 07:05:28 GMT

I've been thinking.
About all kinds of shit.
About Wow. How what it really is.
What it started out as. What it will become.
I pick my words carefully. Certain things are better left unsaid.
Out of all the times I asked myself that question. The title.
I'v thought of ways that have been done. Rocket launchers dropped from helicopters. Stabbing them 23 times. I guess it depends on what type your killing.
But I noticed that theres one thing thats always there, something universal. You go for the heart.
Two magnum shots, one RPG, or a knife, clean and through. You go for the heart.
So I guess there it is. Thats how you do it.
Its how it gets done.
You go for the heart.

To be, or not to be, that is the question.

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:46:58 GMT

When people ask me what I'm going to be, I say I'm going into politics.
Everyone needs a cover story.
I am going to be a writer, no matter what I have to do to get there, I am going to be a writer.
Starting today, i will spend atleast one hour a day either writing or editing. I have two first drafts that need to be finished, Both "Run." and "Wow."
I know what I must do, and I will do it.
But that doesn't mean I'm not still going into politics, I will, I mean, I need to make a difference, so I might as well hit two fronts.

So, Besides that, summer school sucks, Connor Sucks. Everything sucks.
Once Summer school is out I have to baby sit, for the entire summer, but, I'm going to make her pay me, theres no way I'm doing it for free, fuck that.

So, yeah.....

Question.

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:43:20 GMT

What the fuck?

Seriously.

A year ago, I would never have thought myself to be the person I am now. Last year, around this time, I began meeting the crew. Prior to this I saw my self, excuse the Star Wars aspect of this, as a Padawan, training, preparing. Apon meeting the crew I entered my Jedi Knight Trails, a series of tests to see if I was worthy, this culminating when I fought Clayton, There I was, a Jedi Knight. Over the next few weeks I felt like a Padawan again. And now I am here, again a Knight. But at the cost of me not being where I would rather be. Like being stuck on Nar Shada, and trying to get to Onderon. Maybe its just that I never thought it would be possible, me, having friends? Ha, thats funny. I just never thought any one could like me, i had no self confidence. I mean, I still have very little, but I have hell of alot more then I did.
I would like to thank the crew, all of you, John, Angel, NIppliz, Justin, Kayla, Sammy, Genny, Chrissy, Cassie, everyone. Were it not for them, I would be a completely different person.

*Totally different subject*

I feel so bad for her, I really do, I know what it feels like, and I wouldnt wish that on anyone. I'm just not sure what I could do for her.

*But the Real Question is*

If I were to create a Radical Revolutionary Faction, would you join?

Okwaknockwaism.

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 03:06:19 GMT

Okwaknockwaism.

Okwaknockwaism is a 'religion' based on some of the wisest men in history. We have no 'god.' We have nothing but what we know is there.

Everything that can not be proven, is objective. This includes art, in any form, beauty, love.

Anything that can be proven, is, fact. Duh.

We understand ourselves, and others, and do not mind that others do not agree with us, for we are right. They are wrong.

Any quote quoted by me, in this work, is to be taken to the heart, and to the mind, think about them carefully, and deeply. Do not change what you think just because some one disagrees with you, take their opinion into consideration, but make your own choice. Do not even fully believe anything that is spoken about in this work. Doubt is the key to life. Think for your self, do what you think is right, no matter what others expect of you. This is not their life, but yours.

Have a passion. Passion allows you to express your self, it allows you to see the world, a way only you can.
Have a mission. A mission allows you to have goals, it allows you to get some where. Do not, no matter what anyone says, have short term goals. Have long term goals, allow your self to stray from the path, for if you are meant to find it, you shall.

Teach, and learn. Share knowledge, for it would do no good if only you knew the meaning of life.
Do away with useless facts of trivial knowledge. Study your self, study your friends, study your family, study the world. For these are the places you will learn all that you need to know.

Love life, not for the fact that you are living. But for the fact that you are alive.

Family is where you learn most of what you will know for the rest of your lives. You family should be sacred. Let nothing get between you and them, for they will always be there, even when your friends desert you.

Have friends, but do not trust them blindly. They must earn your trust, as you must earn theirs. Once you trust each other you may live life together, talk amongst your selves and share your knowledge, consider each view, from each angle, and decide what is right. For only you can.

Be responsible, be respectful, but have your limits. Do not respect those who have not earned it.
Do not be mean for the sake of being mean. Do not make fun of others for reasons beyond their control, understand that what you do, even the smallest thing, makes who you are.

Have fun, and challenge those who challenge you.

Take everything in stride and do not let others stop you from doing what you are meant to do, we all have a purpose, find yours.

Keep in short. Keep in sweet.

"Some of the greatest works of history are no longer then a sentence."

5/31

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 00:40:19 GMT

I spent the night at Tylers.
It was fun, but I kept thinking of Buffalo. We played Vice City and listened to System of A Down. Then we played some Tony Hawk.
John skates, and we both loved Vice City and System of a Down. I'm not used to being the leader, still, but I am, weather they want to admit it or not. I am the Goddamn Batman. A leader must not be feared. A leader must know what he is doing, and know why. He needs to be able to understand his men. He needs to be willing to take the fall at any moment. He must be commanding, be willing to give orders no one likes, but also must be able to compromise. He must not fail, for if he does, they they shall fail with him.

I returned home to a mess, there was stuff everywhere, and the baby was running around naked.. Under 24 before I had cleaned the entire house. It never gets that messy in one day, never. She walks up and told me how bad Connor had been, I asked her about the mess, she said it was Connor's fault.
She makes me so angry, Connor was likely sleep soon after I left, how much time was he up and active today? She should atleast pick up a little. She confronter her and she said her eyes are messed up because of the pollen. Shes never outside.
I fucking hate it.

I'll give it a try.

Thu, 29 May 2008 21:16:06 GMT

I'm going to try and start posting daily things, I know I won't stick with it, but who cares.

Tomorrow is the last day of school, afterwards I'm going to Tyler's with Brett, Music, and TJ. Then Saturday we are going to TJ's and smoke. It should be fun.

Today is Thursday. Away from the square. I didn't go every time last year, but I went often. With John, Megan, Justin, Smokey, Clayton, Kayla, not everyone went all the time, but everyone went enough. I loved it there, I'm kinda like Randal, I hate people but love social gatherings. Thats what we went for, not for the music, for the people. You always find the craziest people at the square. But the fucking cops, they're everywhere, I mean, its easy as hell to smoke, but theres still cops all around. And the Jesus people. I hate Jesus People.
Fuck you you fucking Jesus people.
But, besides them it was cool, all the stoners came out. The square really showed me the stoner "culture" I mean, I"ve seen it, but in mass, I find it amazing, but then again, I'm a geek.
I began my study's on Philosophy, Anthropology, and Spanish. I think spanish will take the longest to understand, I took it for like 6 years, and I still cant speak it.
Well, besides that, I can't really think of anything to say, so... yeah....

I'm fed up.

Sat, 17 May 2008 02:31:13 GMT

With all this bullshit in the media.
All of it.
What I hate most, surprisingly is when my own side combats the enemy. But with all this bullshit going around how is anyone to know what is really happening?
Bush did one thing wrong, he started a war. But that wasnt even his fault, he was doing what he thought was right, he followed the Carter Doctrine and tried to save 'our' oil. And hes doing a pretty good job. But I bet now your asking why gas prices are so high.
We import half our oil, Iraq has about 20% of all the oil reserves in the world. Thats nothing compared with what we need. If we really wanted to have all the oil, we should have attacked Saudi Arabia. But, since we could more easily take Iraq first, we did.
But we still dont control all the oil, and so the places that do, are jacking up the prices, the oil companys then do so even more, its not Bush's fault, it never was. Yes, he caused the death of thousands of Americans, but he has nothing to do with the gas prices, he even tried to lower them. And if there is one thing I hate, its letting an innocent man, or even a guilty one, be blamed for something he didnt do.
The media is playing both sides of the election too, of course they are. He pull out the worse of all the candidates, and at the same time, try to make them all look god like. You cant have it both ways, you have to see that.
I also hate people who are so blind that they wont vote against their party even if they dont like who they are voting for, they see their partys under some one's name and have to vote for that person, no matter what.
Fuck McCain. Fuck Clinton.
I would say Fuck Obama too, but he might be the only one we can rely on.
I say Obama and Ron Paul should run together, now thats a team I can vote for.
Truthfully, I trust Ron Paul more then Obama, he, in his many years, has never made a wrong vote, Obama has, Clinton has many times, and of course McCain has.
America is becoming an empire, we cant let this happen, even if it means civil war, we have to do what it takes to save this country.
Our time to make a difference is now, and we have to stand up and take it.

Number 1.

Thu, 15 May 2008 20:38:11 GMT

Yesterday, as I sat here, smoking with Brett and Tyler, I realized that the roles, or atleast my role, has switched. In Buffalo John was the leader, and Justin and I were the followers, with me having slightly more influence then Justin. I liked it that way, I could still have my say, but I didnt have the responsibilty of being the leader. Here, I am the leader, I am the Vet, I am Batman.
I always, deep down, wished I could be the leader, but now, as I sit with the power, I have come to see that, as Spider-man says, with great power, comes great responsibility.
Its sad that I'm complaining about this.
But....
Fuck It.

My New Forum.

Wed, 07 May 2008 20:50:50 GMT

Since I've been axe'd, here is a link to my new site.

http://cv3wd.proboards80.com/index.cgi

Letting go

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 21:41:08 GMT

Its hard. I try, and I have let one of the two go. But the other, its just too hard.
I want to move on.
I may not seem it, but I am really fucking depressed. I hide it really well, right?
Its sucks knowing theres something you want, but can never have. Something that at one time, was withen arms reach.
Sure, theres other girls, but they just cant top her. And you all(HA! like someone reads this) know who I'm talking about.
And the worst thing is, I STILL dont know what I see in her. She not even the type I normaly like.

But I am trying, so, yeah. Any tips?

Conflicts

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:33:25 GMT

So. I was thinking. I've been doing alot of that lately.

Sammy has gotten back with Angel. Right off the bat I think its a bad idea. Theres no logical way I could have came up with that idea, but I was there.
When I think about it more I see that it is a good idea, Sammy will have someone there for her, and the... maybe its that I just cant admit, that, its real. That they have become a, dare I say it? Family. of sorts. She is with him, that is fact. Her reasons for it maybe in question, but we have no way to prove it.
She is also having the baby, but you can never be sure if she intends to keep the baby, or if her intentions matter.
I can now see why I thought what I had thought. My feelings made me think it was a bad idea, because it furthered Sammy away from NIkki, Wow is what I wish it was like when I went back, but theres not a chance that that will ever be. I dont have a chance.

I know I said I moved on, but you never can, not all the way.

Friends

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 07:36:19 GMT

Friends, what are they?
They are the people you are willing to stay up a whole night just to be there for them.
They are the poeple you can go to for an honest opinion.
They are the people that can say the girl you love is compleatly insane, and you agree with them.
They are the people that can talk you into egging the motor cycles of a Biker Gang.
They are the people you go to when you get your chek and say "Lets Party."
They are the people that you love.
They are your family, beyond your family.